Minnesotas 100 Days of Decent Weather Due to Arrive May 15th

Dear Citizens of Minnesota : weather you like it or not don't plan on seeing any picture perfect days until May 15th. The fifteenth of May officially kicks off those 120 days of decent weather referred to by the National Weather Service here as our second season --- Sprummertumn. Minnesota no longer has four seasons - just two; eight months of winter and a four months of what used to be late spring, summer, and early fall (or autumn) merged together into Sprummertumn (if you are confused by the name, sound it out fool: Spr: spring, ummer: summer, tumn: autumn =
SPRUMMERTUMN)

Today is April 21st. Twenty one days back all of our Easter bunnies perished in the snow drifts. I was reminded by my weather weary wife that Punxsutawney Phil did not see his shadow back in February thus predicting an early spring. Now that town is being sued for making false claims.

Three days back we had over 6 inches of wet heavy snow and today more white stuff is on the way . Confused birds are falling from the sky for not having their wings deiced before flying into our air space and there are no closeout deals on snowshoes at Dicks.

If all this sounds vaguely familiar, please remember that "we told you so" in 2011 when Scallions climatologists wrote of the two season concept. So if you aren't depressed yet, put on your old '45 record or listen to the youtube linked here http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xeNAgBFmJpM of the Jamies one hit wonder of Summertime, Summertime, Sum Sum Summertime substituting the words SPRUMMERTUMN.  Then you're encouraged to google the original 2011 article on Sprummertumn  from 4/10/11 entitled Spurmmertumn Sabatical Awarded to Scallions Scribe. So keep the faith and remember that Severe Seasonal 'Sotan Affective Disorder only lasts 8 months here

DESTINATION WEDDING FOR THE 99%

The 99% are digging in, refusing to pay the high prices charged by traditional universities by getting degrees  through on-line schools and community colleges. Sick people are now willing to travel to Uganda for a heart transplant as they save money to enjoy side trips while there. Now, the bridal business is being brought to task by a national restaurant icon by offering a destination wedding for frugal fathers like me. Click on the  link below for details:

http://www.kare11.com/news/news_article.aspx?storyid=1020013

This is no yoke -- the home of the "Grand Slam" breakfast has come up with a creative way of having a cheap destination wedding. If you're a fiscally conservative (cheap) dad like me with a daughter who is thinking trendy destinations when her big moment arrives, the Denny's destination is for you. It's cheap, and it's Vegas baby, and it's dirt cheap! So as you are paying back your little angel's student loans while she lives with you rent free, know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel thanks to Dennys. Someday she may thank you for to sending her off with a wedding day she'll never be able to forget as you start putting money aside for long term health care insurance.

Several prominent wedding planners have weighed in already with Scallions. Franck Egglehoffer, for example, who played charismatic wedding planner in the 1991 hit  movie Father of the Bride believes this will cost many jobs for dressmakers, cake bakers, etc. "We cannot continue on in this country by loosing high paying manufacturing jobs such as these. Fortunately for me, I retired from the business years back after making lots of money off those overindulging moms and dads. I now work with about half of those same parents and their children planning divorce celebrations.

Other industry experts disagree. An unidentified spokesman for Real Man Weddings, based in West Allis, Wisconsin thinks the time has come for cheap weddings. "My gosh, you can't even get basic raw beef and onions on a paper plate as an appetizer anymore  -- today it's called beef tarter or trotter or something like that and it costs a fortune! My clients are just looking for a way to get the little miss hitched and off the family payroll the cheapest way possible. So, Denny's fits my clients tastes".

No matter how one feels about this trend, the Real Man Weddings spokesman is convinced that 'you can't close the barn door after the cows have run to pasture'.  "I've heard from a friend inside the nuptial industry that at least one major pancake house chain is looking at incorporating a similar offering in their new business model.  He also expects Spirit Airlines and hoteliers such Motel 6 ( the we'll leave the light on people) to put together a cheap  'air/bed and breakfast' package with the eateries".