Sunday, August 3, 2014

THE ONION NEWSPAPER SUCCUMBS TO "ELECTRONIC MEDIA"

THE DEMISE OF THE RIPE ONION LEAVES READERS CHOKING ON TEARS



Last month , the world lost a newspaper giant. The Onion , the icon of print satire passed quietly on December 12, 2013. The cause of death was attributed to the "electronic media" brought on by dwindling readership, lack of advertising revenue, and old age.

Born in Madison, Wisconsin in 1988 , The Onion provided printed folly at the expense of serious news. Their ideas set the stage for many unnamed top satirical writers for the The Daily Show, The Colbert Report and www.greenscallions.blogspot.com ,etc.

A spokesperson for Green Scallions was quoted as saying, "I grieve for the loss of this groundbreaking rag sheet. I always looked up to them as my mentor when I was new into blogging and viewed them as a solid competitor in later years. Hopefully, our readership will increase dramatically now that they're out of the picture".

A sacrilegious service will be scheduled sometime in the near future in the Mausoleum at the Newseum* in Washington D.C where the final printed issue (similar to my wine stained collectors version pictured below)  will be laid to rest on top of large stack of other recently deceased newspapers, including The Albuquerque Times, Baltimore Examiner, Cincinnati Post, etc., etc.








wine stained collectors issue
The Onion is survived by it's on -line offspring version, theonion.com, known only to themselves as being "America's Funniest News Source". In lieu of flowers, Bitcoin memorials may be directed to theonion.com in the names of Alfred E. Neuman, Statler and Waldorf of the Muppets, or the George Plimpton Foundation.

Any cash donations should be sent to the attention of Green Scallions at the Newseum Mausoleum. If you prefer, you may charge your donation by providing your credit card information, drivers license number and social security number in the comment section below. Scallions will determine an appropriate donation amount upon receipt.


*If you plan a trip to the D.C. and have an interest in the history of the news, this is the place. The Newseum opened in 2008 and has something for everyone. Not part of Smithsonian. There is an admission fee. Checkout www.newseum.org for details.